What should I say to someone who is grieving? It's a question I've asked myself many times, and a question that so many others would love answered. It's not easy to know what to say when someone is depressed. They could have lost a loved one, could be trying to get over a breakup, or even be going through a divorce. Whatever the reason, it's important for you to support them.
So, what do you say to comfort someone? This list should be a good start :)
1. “I believe in you and your ability to get through this.”
2. “We don’t have to talk. I’m happy to simply sit here with you.”
3. “When these feelings subside, I’ll still be right here and so will you.”
4. “Thank you for telling me. I know that must’ve been hard.”
5. “Thank you for trusting me.”
6. “I can’t imagine how difficult that is, I’m here.”
7. “I am so sorry for your loss.”
8. “I wish I had the right words; just know I care.”
9. “I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.”
10. “You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.”
11. “My favorite memory of your loved one is…”
12. “I am always just a phone call away.”
13. “We all need help at times like this, I am here for you.”
14. “I am usually up early or late, if you need anything.”
15. Saying nothing, just be with the person. “There are no words.”
16. “I will travel to you and stay with you several days.”
17. “You can talk to me about your ____ whenever you want – in 5, 10, 30 years.”
18. “Your grief-reactions are normal/appropriate.”
19. “You aren’t going crazy.”
20. “Tell me more about your loved one.”
21. “It doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. We’re in this together.”
22. “There is no right or wrong way to navigate this. Whatever feels right is what we’ll do,
and we’ll take it step by step.”
23. “There’s no timetable for this, and as long as it may take, I’ll be here the whole time.”
24. “I’m just really sorry you’ve had to go through this.”
25. “Your ____ was a wonderful person.”
26. “We can try our best to live in acceptance of the loss, not in spite of the loss.”
27. “Grief has no expiration date.”
28. “It’s okay to have bad days because it reminds you how much you love them, and the
good days remind you they’re right there with you”.
29. “Just talk about your ____ whenever you feel like.”
30. “You don’t have to talk. I will just sit beside you.”
31. If they believe in an afterlife… “please know this is only temporary, you will get to
continue your time with ____ one day.”
32. If you can organize something like this… “We’ve asked your colleagues and they have donated enough paid time off for you to take the time you need.”
33. “We were just talking about ____ last night. ____ has made such a positive impact on all
of our lives.”
34. “We remember ____ and speak of him/her often.”
35. “When you feel that he/she’s with you know that he/she really is.”
36. “He/She is never far away.”
37. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
38. “It f#&king sucks.”
39. “We won’t forget him/her.”
40. “He/she was such a special kid, and his/her friends will help carry the memory as well.”
41. “I don’t know what to say but I can listen.”
42. “He/she would be so proud of you.”
43. “I am praying for you and will always be.”
44. “I love you.”
45. “Thank you for giving us the most beautiful, generous, loving person we’ve ever known.”
46. “We loved her like she was one of the family.”
47. “You’ve been a good mom/dad to them. You’ve given them the best life they could’ve ever asked for.”
48. Using genuine concern and love if necessary… “I am worried about you. I think you should consider grief therapy.”
49. “One day you will be talking about ____ and a smile will come to your face first before a tear.”
50. Make them something for the baby even if their gone. “Every baby deserves to be celebrated, no matter how long they are with us.”
51. “A part of your loved one lives in you and all those he/she loved.”
52. “Be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else.”
53. “You will never get ‘over it’, but you can get through it.”
54. “I can see by these pictures how much you loved each other. He/she must have known
every day she was loved.”
55. “There is no right or wrong way to grieve.”
56. “You’re allowed to feel and be exactly as you are because this is your experience and no
one else’s.”
57. “I wouldn’t be the person I am today if your ____ hadn’t helped me get here.”
58. Ask them to share a happy memory or story of their loved one.
59. “I cannot possibly understand how you feel, but I’m here.”
60. If they say their heart is broken… “I will lend you mine until yours has mended.”
61. “It’s okay not to be okay.”
62. If they believe in this… “Look for signs. He/she will show you they are with you.”
63. “He/she is with you always, and is proud of you for the way you live your life”
64. “Come rest a minute – let’s talk about & remember all those sweet memories.”
65. “We’ll get through this together.”
66. “Now you’ve got someone up there watching out for you.”
67. “It’s okay to hurt. Don’t hold back your tears.”
68. “I have no words, this just sucks.”
69. “He/she was so loved, and my life is better because he/she was in it.”
70. “You are a good person and their death with never change that.”
71. “It’s not moving on, it’s moving forward.”
72. When helping them find pictures… “He/she was clearly a wonderful father/mother who
was deeply loved.”
73. “I’m here for you to lean on. I have an open heart and time to listen.”
74. “I’ll drop by next week with a INSERT ANY FOOD.”
75. “I know it’s hard to be strong right now. That’s why we’re here to hold you up.”
76. “There was no good reason for this to happen.”
77. “I know others who’ve lost loved ones and how much they grieved. That has made me
aware of what a fight this is for you.”
78. “Knowing it will take time for your pain and grief to soften, I stand beside you for the
long haul.”
79. “My loved one had a close brush with death, which was terrifying enough. There can be
no comparison to actually losing someone.”
80. “I have no words.”
81. “It’s OK to feel this way.”
82. Nothing at all.
83. “I really don’t know what to say right now, I wish I had the right words for you.”
84. “I’m here for you, you’re not alone”
85. “I want you to know that I am here for you always. Whether it’s early morning or late at
night you can reach out.”
86. “Don’t worry about your behavior. Your reaction to the loss of your loved one is
absolutely normal.”
87. “I miss ____ smile and kind words. He/She was such a generous person.”
88. “No one can take ____ place in your life.”
89. Be sure they know you recognize the loss.
90. Even if you’re not with them, tell them you’re a phone call away and thinking about them
often.
91. “I did X thing I thought you might need.”
92. “I am sitting here, waiting for you in X place for the next hour ready for a hug if you are.”
93. “Here’s a pizza.” [Or insert some other very comforting food item.]
94. “I just wanted to call and say I love you.”
95. “How are you doing with everything today?”
96. “Tell me something about your [insert title/name of lost loved one]”
97. “Here’s something you probably didn’t know about your [insert title/name of lost loved
one].”
98. “_____ would be proud of you”
99. “Wow, you just reminded me of _____.”
Helping someone who's grieving is an important part of life. Everyone watches a friend or loved one suffer at some point, and in case there are no words that seem right, here are some things you can do.
THINGS TO DO
100. Give them permission to be mad.
101. Bring them flowers or comfort food.
102. If you are close enough with them, visit them even after they’ve told you not to if you
truly know it will help them.
103. Give a hug instead of saying something.
104. Help with funeral arrangements.
105. Make the grieving person feel that you’re just supporting them and not trying to “fix”
the situation.
106. Stay in your loved one’s home to take phone calls and receive guests.
107. Help with insurance forms or bills.
108. Take care of housework, such as cleaning or laundry.
109. Watch their children or pick them up from school.
110. Drive your loved one wherever they need to go.
111. Look after your loved one’s pets.
112. Go with them to a support group meeting.
113. Accompany them on a walk.
114. Take them to lunch or a movie.
115. Share an enjoyable activity (sport, game, puzzle, art project).
No matter what you say or do, make sure you don't do more harm than good. The worst things to say to someone in grief are things that belittle their feelings and take focus off the event.
THINGS TO AVOID SAYING
116. “It’s part of God’s plan.”
117. “Look at what you have to be thankful for.”
118. “This is behind you now it’s time to get on with your life.”
119. Don’t tell them what to do. Let them decide how they want to cope with the loss.
120. Don’t claim that you can make the situation better because you CANNOT.
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